People don’t like to look in the mirror.
Since I’m not classified as a “meat popsicle“, neither I am. I also had a long, consciously choose “lost myself” period. Basically, I always liked to analyze myself. So that, at least, ‘the me’ won’t be a surprise for myself, or what… So that whatever happens, I know what can I expect from myself. (<-Trust issues)
That’s why I like to push my limits and that’s why I look at myself in the mirror sometimes with joy, but sometimes cruelly forced. Because really strong (well, actually FREE, that’s much more important) can only be someone who is aware of him/herself. And I like to being strong.
I mean… I like it, and I don’t also. In society, if someone is strong and this is noticed (’cause they notice), among other things, they put even more burdens on them and they leave them totally alone, because “Well, she can handle it! She’ll bear it anyway and do it anyway.”
No. I don’t. I can’t.
I would like to save the world, but it won’t work until I accept that I’m not a superhero. And it is not heroism that makes you limitless, but Self-Identity. I was born as a human. And people are frail, weak, make mistakes despite the abundance of positive qualities. And I don’t necessarily have to punish myself in a spartan way if I commit these things unintentionally or intentionally. Of course, that doesn’t excuse you from anything.
I’m learning to be human now. It’s not an easy task.
